So I was imagining the other day what my original comic series, "Kreaturez", would be like if it were distributed by a media conglomerate and marketed to a mass audience, and it's not pretty. Its essence would be raped and denuded; it would see many changes in order to make it as bland and inoffensive and profitable as possible.

First off, the main cast would be collectively aged down by about fifteen years. Nevermind that making the characters adults makes more sense from a story related POV, we need to appeal to our target audience: kids! Dennis and Kristy's relationship would be only hinted at and be boarderline platonic at best; we don't want to taint the childrens' minds with the implications that they might be having sex! O: Dennis would keep his laid back stoner 'tude, but we would never see him smoke any weed- indeed, he might even speak out against drugs in a PSA. Kristy's dry, sardonic wit would likely be de-emphasised, or replaced outright with "attitude", because "strong female character" is synonymous with "loud, obnoxious bitch" in the media executives' eyes. Wade would chase girls but never get laid, because I'm somehow obligated to provide children with "positive" morals. Ben would be a wangstmuffin, but not a wangstmuffin who prefers the company of men, 'cos OMG KIDS MIGHT CATCH TEH GHEY. All of Rita's satirical aspects would be gutted in the process of making her simply a "dumb blonde", and she wouldn't be allowed to become a porn star. Kristy and Rita would be given breast reductions and become idealistic stick-figure women, because curves and anything above a mid C cup do not exist in happy lowest common denominator land.

Oh, and Riidya, Trasca, Setra, Rawth, and the like? They no longer exist. "It's too hard for people to relate to nonhuman characters", the execs would say.

Speaking of nonhumans, the Kreatures would get the short end of the stick too. Nevermind attempting to portray them realistically, as animals; they would be anthropomorphised and given simple, gimmicky character traits that kids can grasp. (IE, they would all act like Dogs, cats and horses regardless of whether they're mammalian or not.) Kreature battling would no longer be a bloodsport. Despite the various claws and horns and blades and lasers and shite weilded by the various Kreatures, Kreature battles would be remarkably bloodless affairs in which the combatants would rarely suffer more than minor scrapes and bruises. Maybe, MAYBE if I pushed and argued hard enough, I could convince the execs to allow some bloodshed; but, of course, Kreature blood would have to look like "slime" instead, since apparantly making blood green makes it okay. Oh, and the long, complex, interesting Kreature bios I'm known for? They'd be reduced to mere hyperbole describing feats of physical strength, because any attempt to portray Kreatures as animals rather than battle monsters will seem boring to the kiddies. The backstory of Dimentiara, if it is mentioned at all, will lose any and all references to religion being the instigator of the Human/Duhdorian War, 'cos REAL wars are started by one-dimensional supervillains who acknowledge their own eeevil-ness, y'know. (Assuming there even *is* a Human/Duhdorian War anymore.)

Wally would be one of the few things to emerge relatively unscathed through the dumbing down process. The reason will be because the execs would realise his inherant marketing potential. Wally's WACKY ANTICS would become front and centre to Kreaturez, and this oversaturation will reduce him to a mere gimmick. Seeing further marketing potential in the whole "battle monsters" aspect, the execs will try a "Pokemon" approach. Kreaturez merchandise will infest the market: Kreaturez the T-Shirt! Kreaturez the Lunchbox! Kreaturez the Breakfast Cereal! Kreaturez the Colouring Book! KREATUREZ THE FLAMETHROWER! At the height of Kreaturez' popularity you won't be able to walk five steps in a mall without knocking over a stand of plush Koobine dolls or Grubosaurus vibrators, and above it all will be Wally's face, staring at you from EVERYTHING.

I know Kreaturez is not very marketable to a mass audience, because our society wouldn't let it be anything more than bland kiddie fare. Through the internets, I can reach this small, niche audience that would find Kreaturez appealing in its current form. This is why I'm content on simply aiming to start a webcomic rather than try to publish Kreaturez. I don't care how big my audience is as long as I have one, and if I sell any merchandise I'll do so sparingly through an online shop as a way to pay for my bandwidth.

Even if I was offered $1,000,000 from some corporation to purchase the rights for Kreaturez, I would not sell it. Kreaturez is a deeply personal work, I've poured too much of my blood and sweat and tears into it to allow that to happen. Lame and pretentious as this sounds, I can't put a price tag on my artistic integrity.